Seller Tip: How to Sell Your Haunted House

Selling a haunted house is a spooky undertaking, especially if the home hosts particularly noisy or violent spirits. Many prospective buyers will understandably eschew homes with such “character” for a comfortable life in the bright house or bungalow up the street—uninhabited by disturbed ghosts. Therefore, fixing up your home to sell may involve various preparations to cut the impact of ghosts, spirits, otherworldly emanations and other supernatural phenomena.

One method of ridding your home of such nuisances is by exorcism. However, it could be deemed discrimination and “supernaturalism”, which could lead to the ghost’s right to seek legal redress. Be aware, that through adverse possession processes, the spirit living in your attic may have tenant rights, and mediation (as well as a medium) may be in order to resolve the conflict.

Sellers must be sensitive to the fact that ghosts come from diverse religious belief systems which could make a religious rite of exorcism extremely offensive. More importantly, it may not work if there is a lack of belief. In the event you’re hosting an agnostic ghost, you may need to resort to a copy of The Origin of Species to help form your exorcist rite.

If exorcism does not work, do not despair. There are other routes for the home seller to rid the home of a spirit. Many spirits are open to communication, but steps may have to be made to accommodate them. Rapping on the walls, table or doors may be the only mode of communication a spirit has, and it is imperative to take all necessary steps to aid the corporeally-challenged in their quest for equal access to communication. It may help to engage the services of someone versed in Morse Code, as “yes” and “no” may not be precise enough to convey the particulars of a ghost’s concerns.

Try to have a séance with the ghost and attempt to impress upon it the importance of not creating an uncomfortable atmosphere until the sale is concluded. Mention the fact that if the house is not sold quickly, a reputation very quickly develops that makes it difficult to find buyers, not to mentioned the easily possessed or precocious children. If you can, have a copy of current real estate laws and related information for the specter to peruse; ensure that it knows that “pre-approved” does not mean “sold” and that it is wise to refrain from frightening new owners until it is certain that the house is transferred fully into their possession.

If the spirit is resistant to all forms of communication and/or exorcism, extreme steps must be taken. If the house is exceptionally well-appointed and in a smallish community with low crime like Sunnyvale, there will usually be no problem finding a couple from the big city seeking a nice house in the suburbs, or a bedroom community for their children and dog. The only problem with this strategy is that you will probably have to lower the price to some ridiculously low amount that would make any other home buyer suspicious. Don’t worry. Your spirit may be able to temporarily possess the home inspector.


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  • Porter Rees says:

    This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

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